My favorite Mommy and Daddy blogs...

     Okay, so admittedly this is a lazy post. I didn't post yesterday and I'm not sure if I did the day before. But it's the weekend and I tend to spend a lot of time with Alan and Little Man on the weekend. Anyway, I figured I should at least post something, so I found a list of topics for a Mommy blog and rolled a 100 sided die and got the question "My 10 favorite mom bloggers are_______...." I'm not sure if I can come up with 10, but I will try and I will link to their pages if anyone actually reads this and wants to check them out. So, here are my 10(if I can count that high) favorite parent blogs/bloggers.

1.      The first Mommy blog I found after finding out I was expecting was written by Dani Ryan. Her wittiness and honesty instantly drew me in and I literally spent hours at a time reading her entire blog. Every single post. Since then she has revamped her blog a bit to include recipes, crafts and other things as well as funny stories about raising her daughter. I want to be a lot like her, only she would probably be disappointed in me because I can't stand wine. Oh well. Check out her awesome blog here.
2. The second in this list is a Dad blog. This is actually the most recent one I have found. I love it. He is absolutely hilarious, but I also like his open-mindedness and also his honesty. (If you can't tell, I really appreciate honesty.) I will be honest since I love it so much, I totally stole my sign-off from him, as he ends his posts with "Dad". The man's name is John Kinnear and you can read his blog here.
3. My third favorite is actually a collection of writers at an awesome site called .scarymommy.com. Some of the (again with this) most honest words about pregnancy and motherhood I found in these pages. And they are hilarious almost every single time. 

     Okay, like I said...and keep in mind I am being honest here...I can't come up with more than three. Part of that could be because since having Little Man, my already horrid memory has plummeted due to lack of sleep and probably nutrition. Another part could be maybe I didn't read enough of them. I had a whole list of them on my computer that I had every intention of reading, but I totally didn't. It was hard to read what with the constant stream of reality TV and dramas that were on all the time. Let's just say I keep my DVR packed and it was really bad while pregnant. But whatever the reason, there are only three. Unless you want to be totally awesome and count the third as a whole bunch, in which case I probably went way over ten, making me an over-achiever for once! Yay me! So check them out and tell them who sent you!

     Love,
     Mom

     What are some of your favorites? I am always up for a new read. Let me know in the comments!

This is what it's all about...

     Unlike last night, this post is going to be short and sweet. I'm a woman, I can change my direction anytime I please. Onward to the post.

     Tonight I had my big a-ha moment. Through all the mistakes I have made in the last two months, all the times I have wondered what the hell I was doing, all the time I wanted to run away and never look back, I knew there was a reason for it all. Tonight it really hit me what that reason was. We had a very uneventful night. Little Man was a good boy and napped without fighting it and gave Mommy a chance to watch a movie. Okay, two movies. After he woke up and I gave him a bottle and changed him, I started bouncing him in his bouncy seat. As I was talking to him, he gave me a huge smile. Now usually, I get one smile a day and that's it. He is a very mysterious child. But tonight, as I got all excited thanking him for the smile, he smiled again. Again I went crazy thanking him and telling him I loved him and he smiled again. My little guy was so happy that Mommy loved him and was just playing attention to him. He was happy that I was just there. I won't lie, I'm a total sap and I cried a little. I picked him up and cuddled him and I too, was happy that I was just there.

Love,

Mom

What was your big a-ha moment? When did you realize that you were doing it right? 

Looking back a ways...

     Disclaimer: This is going to be a particularly long and sappy post. Read at your own risk.
     So today Little Man turned two months old. After I bathed him, read to him and fed him, I sat on the edge of the bed rocking him to sleep. As I sang softly to him I couldn't help but think about the road that led me to being the lucky woman who gets to rock him to sleep. 
     I will never forget the night I found out I was pregnant. It was October 21, 2013. It was a beautiful, clear night. Alan had made me buy the pregnancy tests to take. I told him I didn't need to take one. This would be like all the other times I had taken one and it would turn out that I was just skipping Mother Nature's monthly gift for a few months like I used to. Alas, Alan was relentless. So I gave in, warning him that they are more effective first thing in the morning, trying to get him to let me wait a little longer. I didn't want that mixture of relief and disappointment over a negative test again. So I took the test and left it on the bathroom counter, walked out and shut the door. I set the timer on the microwave for five minutes, three extra, just to be sure. When the timer went off I was a total smart ass and asked Alan, "when this is negative will you leave me alone about it?" His reply was just as smart assed as mine. "I will after you take another one in the morning and that's negative." So I walked into that bathroom and halfway in I saw those two pink lines. One was freaking dark and the other a little paler. I screamed. He came running. We hugged. Blah blah blah. It was the most amazing feeling I had felt since getting married.
     My pregnancy was tremendous. I had morning sickness, but it wasn't bad. I actually wish that vomiting for the rest of my life was exactly like morning sickness. You feel sick, you puke, you feel great for the rest of the day. The second trimester was just as great. Every time the nurses or doctors asked how I was feeling, I very humbly (note the sarcasm) announced that I felt fantastic. I was always afraid that being a bigger girl, I wasn't going to show when I was pregnant. Boy, the end of the second trimester started to prove me wrong and by the time the third came I couldn't get out of bed by myself because I was so huge. I was slower than usual. A little grumpier than usual. My hips hurt more, my back hurt more. Slowly everything started to suck. 
     At some point I had had an ultrasound that showed Little Man had some swelling in the kidneys, indicating water that shouldn't have been there. They assured me it was nothing to worry about but they wanted to keep an eye on it. So I had another ultrasound. I remember the next appointment after that. When the doctor told me I was to go downstate to Maternal Fetal Medicine to have a 3d scan I was terrified and so was Alan. We thought for sure Little Man was really sick in there. 
     Now this is where things really turned. I was in the middle of my 38th week when I went to that scan downstate. My mom went with us as well as Alan's mom, who drove. Now, this office is in a pretty big city and it was about two hours away. His mom's driving is freaking terrifying. So when they took my blood pressure and it was higher than it should have been, I wasn't surprised. When they came in to take it again and it was still pretty high, I still wasn't surprised...after all, they were doing an ultrasound to see just how bad Little Man's kidneys were. I was scared. When they took it again and it was still high, I was too engrossed in seeing my little guy's face so clearly that I just didn't care. After the scan they took us to a different room and we waited for the doctor. When he came in he didn't even mention the kidneys. Not until after he informed me I was to go back to my hometown and be induced. I was not to go home first. Do not pass Go and all that crap. I cried, Alan cried, my mom cried...Alan's mom just pissed me off. But that's a story for another time. The doctor finally did mention his kidneys and he said that it had progressed but they would worry more about it if Little Man's postpartum ultrasound still showed it.
     So, fast forward a few hours, and an unadvised trip home, I was all checked into the hospital. Total bed rest except to use the bathroom. Oh man that sucked. It took them three days before Little Man finally made his way into the world. May 30th, 2014 at 8:44 pm. only about a week early as he was due on June 7th. We were so proud as the doctor caught him and exclaimed "He is peeing on me!" However, my pride and happiness was cut short as the doctor told the nurses to get another doctor on the phone because I was bleeding too much. I bled a liter of blood in three minutes and I tore like a mofo. Later than night I was allowed a much needed shower...a shower that ended up being the scariest thing that ever happened to me. I passed out. Twice. I had lost way too much blood earlier. My heart rate had dropped, my blood pressure had really dropped. All I could think of was that my little guy wasn't going to have a mommy. Also I kept telling them to tell Alan that I loved him. I didn't realize he was in the room, freaking out, but I knew he needed to know that. That and he had to take care of Little Man. 
     I turned out to be fine, Little Man's ultrasound showed no water at all. We went home two days later. The rest is (recent) history. It was been a quick two months. I swear it flew by. He has learned and grown so much. There is so much that I can't wait to teach him and to see him accomplish. Especially sleeping through the night, because as I finish this he is starting to stir. Even though he has only been asleep for approximately 46 minutes. Kid, can't I catch a break?! But after two months, all I can say is it's worth it. It is all so worth it. Out of the whole pregnancy and delivery process, all I will remember is seeing that perfect face for the very first time. As Amy Lee so beautifully put it after the birth of her own first child, "The world exploded into technicolor." And it did.
     
     Love,
     Mom

Also, even though we're married and should celebrate that anniversary, I just wanted to say Happy 6 years together Alan. I appreciate you putting up with my crap!

This should be interesting...

     So I am sleeping without my son for the very first time since bringing him home seven weeks ago. This all happened because of Alan's schedule. He works Monday through Thursday and is gone for twelve hours a day. So naturally I tend to take all the nighttime feedings and diaper changes. Somehow this man can sleep through the baby screaming in a room with no pictures on the walls-read: echos like a mofo. 
     Last night was his first night off for the weekend and I was supposed to get to sleep. Well, per the usual he had to ask for help a few million times. Okay, so maybe I am exaggerating but it sure felt like it. Plus he hasn't had enough time alone with Little Man to learn his own techniques for things like calming the baby, feeding the baby and calming himself. So he talks a lot. Plus, I hear every little noise that Little Man makes so when he woke up, so did I. And while he stayed awake, so did I. Even though I knew I was allowed to just lay there and sleep. 
     So this morning I explained to Alan that while he did cope well and didn't get frustrated I still didn't get anymore sleep than usual. I told him that tonight I was sleeping in the bedroom, and he and Little Man were sleeping downstairs. We broke out the bassinet again and stocked Alan up with his pillows and a blanket and let me tell you, I am bound and danged determined to get a full nights sleep. In return, one of the nights that he works this week of his choice I will do this for him. I will camp out on the couch with the dog, cat and baby in my care while he sleeps the sleep of a college boy after a frat party. Because you bet your asterisk that I will sleep like that...at least that's the plan. I can see it now...it's almost eleven right now and I will wake up around one in the morning and run downstairs to make sure everyone is still alive. I guess that's just the mother in me. *Fingers crossed* goodnight all.

     Love,
       Mom

     How did you finally get a full nights sleep? When did it happen? Converse away in the comments.

Changes are a-comin'...

     I have never been one to do crazy things. Okay, yes I drank underage. I started smoking young. I got my tongue pierced at 17. I even hopped a fence once. However, I was generally a good quiet girl. The same can be said today really, but I have noticed a change. Little Man is seven weeks old today and in some ways I feel like I have been "Mommy" forever. I realize this obviously isn't true, but that doesn't change the feeling. So, a few weeks ago I picked out a box of hair dye. I have colored my hair once in my life, but because it is so dark and I didn't bleach it you really could only tell it was a little lighter if I was in the right light. Well, I really don't think that is going to be the case this time. I picked up a box that is for dark hair color. For such a calm and reserved girl, the name of the color alone scares the crap out of me. Get this: Ultra Intense Red. Whoa. I haven't done it yet because I am too nervous. Does that prove how reserved I am? I am too nervous to color my hair. Which is why my getting a tattoo tomorrow makes no sense whatsoever.
     Yep, that's right, I am getting a tattoo. Actually, Alan and I both are. We are being all cutsey and getting a couple's tattoo. He already has three, this is nothing to him. To me, this is like establishing that I am not just a wife and mother. I am also a bad ass! 
     You see, slowly in the last seven weeks, something has been nagging at me in the back of my head. It is telling me "hey, I know you just had a baby and you are supposed to be all responsible and crap, but let's do something crazy! Something drastic! Something so not like you! It'll be freaking AWESOME!!" I wish I knew why, I wish it made sense. Alan says it's because so much is changing but I just don't know. All I know is that for the first time in my life I don't feel like the good little girl next door. And that feels pretty freaking awesome. 

     Love,
       Mom

     Did you find yourself changing after becoming a parent? What was your reasoning? Let me know in the comments.

Motherhood is Hard...

     Let me start this by saying I am sorry for complaining. I do realize that there are a lot of mothers out there who have it a heck of a lot worse than me. For example, my best friend spent her morning in the doctor's office with her asthmatic daughter who is having a lot of breathing issues right now. She also has another little girl, works, goes to school and tries to have some semblance of a life on top of the rest of that. There are women who even have it harder than her. I wouldn't trade my life for any one's life besides mine.
     That being said, motherhood is freaking HARD! It is taxing. It is trying. It is maddening. It is scary. It's tiring. Frankly, sometimes it's just no freaking fun. There are times where I honestly just don't like it. I wanted to be a mother my entire life. If you asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up when I was little, I would hold my head up high as I proclaimed that I was going to be a stay at home wife and mom just like my mom was. I looked up to that woman with every fiber of my being. I still do, even more so now that I have my own little one. I have only been a mom for seven weeks and I am already looking for a part time job. 
     And then here I am, looking at that sweet, peacefully sleeping face and wonder how I could want to be away from him. How could I sit and dream about a few hours where I wasn't holding a bottle or changing a diaper. I dream about a night where I could sleep like I used to. Which by the way, I used to be able to sleep twelve hours a night without waking up. Yes, I am aware those days are long gone and never coming back. So I suppose this is just normal feelings, at least that's what my mom, mother in law and best friend tell me. Still, I wouldn't give it up for the world. And just to remind myself of this, here is a list of reasons I love being a mommy. (I told you I love lists.)

• Looking at that peaceful sleeping face I was talking about.
• The smiles. I never knew that a smile could make me feel that way.
• The times where he just wants to be cuddled.
• Cute little footie pajamas. 
• Watching him discover himself and the world around him.
• The way my heart melts when Alan holds him and tells Little Man he loves him.
• The excitement I feel for all the new experiences to come.

     There are a million more little things that make this all worth it, but alas, the beast beckons to be fed yet again. And no, I really don't feel like feeding him. But that's the thing about being Mommy, you do it because you have to. You do it because you love them.

     Love,
          Mom

   How do you feel about motherhood? Do you find that it is hard, or am I crazy? Let me know in the comments. 

Nice to meet you...

  I have always been that person. You know the one. The one who thinks, hey, I am just like so totally interesting. I bet everyone ever would want to read all about my day to day escapades. So, I would start a blog. I would write one, maybe two posts and then forget all about it. Usually those posts were drawn out descriptions of who I am. And then I would realize, hey...I am super uninteresting. A year or so later I would go back to Live Journal and try again, usually starting with "well, it's been a year since I last posted and a lot of thing have changed." Well let me tell you, I am going to try and do things differently this time. 

     For one thing, I am a new mother and a SAHM at that. (Stay-at-home-mom for those of you not hip to the terminology of the mommy blog world.) So maybe, just maybe, I might have something interesting to say. I figure this gives me something to write about that isn't just complaining like a teenage girl, which fyi is what my previous blog basically started with. I will not treat this as a personal diary, instead I will treat it more like a running Facebook page full of the wonderment that is my thoughts. I swear, this is gonna be great! (Insert dorky fist pump here.)

     Unfortunately, you people probably do need to kind of know who I am, so I kind of feel the need to do that lame and annoying introduction post, which is what this has been leading up to. So, without further adieu, here it is...in list form because I like lists.

•      My name is Kendra and I am 23 years old.
•      I am married to a wonderful man named Alan and we have a beautiful son who I will refer to as Little Man for now.
•      We have a one year old Saint Bernard named Bentley and a three year old cat named Phanklin. He is black and so is his personality.
•      We live in beautiful Northern Michigan. 
•      My goals for this blog is to have at least one stranger read it, but mostly to give myself something to do while being alone with an almost 7 weeks old baby and two fur babies for twelve hours a day.

     So now that I got this out of the way I am going to make yet another list of topics that I could possibly write about so that this doesn't turn into what it always does. 

     Love,

           Mom